O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
