matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
