Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
