So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
