I just threw up on my dentist
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
