he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You're a waste of cheezeits
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
