Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
