i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
