he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I need moral support for this bender
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
