Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My balls are so social today.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
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She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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