that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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