and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
