the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
