thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
