hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I checked into jail on foursquare
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
