I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She's the barista slut.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
