oh god the rape fog is back!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
