Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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