Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor

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  (703): Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor http://tfl.nu/qca9
  Replies (20) Good night (2786) Bad night (697)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.

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  (905): Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee. http://tfl.nu/8vei
  Replies (13) Good night (1041) Bad night (3769)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.

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  (303): Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming. http://tfl.nu/sem8
  Replies (41) Good night (882) Bad night (4580)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Clearly I made an impression.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Or at least your vagina did.

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  (520): Clearly I made an impression. (404): Or at least your vagina did. http://tfl.nu/bank
  Replies (9) Good night (4946) Bad night (1090)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex

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  (702): I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex http://tfl.nu/r82f
  Replies (3) Good night (3974) Bad night (1054)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?

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  (419): How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test? http://tfl.nu/9rcf
  Replies (20) Good night (1229) Bad night (3800)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car

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  (573): This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car http://tfl.nu/p8ht
  Replies (10) Good night (1544) Bad night (2351)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.

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  (774): Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America. http://tfl.nu/x41k
  Replies (3) Good night (2256) Bad night (656)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time

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  (773): You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING (1-773): Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time http://tfl.nu/yjp9
  Replies (7) Good night (2543) Bad night (667)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?

  (1-920): View more from Wisconsin

  Yes and yes

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  (920): Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend? (1-920): Yes and yes http://tfl.nu/cdzo
  Replies (5) Good night (2247) Bad night (871)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.

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  (201): I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made. http://tfl.nu/1nr5
  Replies (7) Good night (1957) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!

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  (705): There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!! http://tfl.nu/7xwk
  Replies (2) Good night (995) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.

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  (908): Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you. http://tfl.nu/4vsb
  Replies (0) Good night (672) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.

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  (360): Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done. http://tfl.nu/hy12
  Replies (0) Good night (820) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out

  (914): View more from New York

  He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off

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  (914): Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out (914): He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off http://tfl.nu/ygvv
  Replies (0) Good night (619) Bad night (347)

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