She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.