I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night