Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??