I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
what food is Colorado known for?