I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
