70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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