The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
