I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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