yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
