The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
