it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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