If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
