She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
