i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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