you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
