this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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