I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
