It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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