btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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