Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize