and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
