Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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