you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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