she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
