Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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