Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
