Acid is not a monday night drug
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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