He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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