her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
