her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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