make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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