apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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