I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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