I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
