She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
