If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
