People with herpes should wear stickers.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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