i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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