I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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