oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
