Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
