My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
