She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize