I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
