I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Im part way to drunk.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
