I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
