i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
