He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
