if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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