He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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